Kicking off 2013 with a terrifying goal, wish me luck!

New Year and most of us are making resolutions and I wish you loads of luck, but this year it's not for me. I do it every year and I can't actually remember what I've ever made a resolution about. This year in all honestly I don't want it, I don't do failure well. I hate losing and I also don't want to give anything else up. Perhaps that means I don't truly want to succeed or I would make a resolution and stick to it. However I don't feel that way, I feel as though I've came along way and lately as I mentioned in my latest post I'm less motivated. Generally January is when the majority of us are probably most motivated, but not me I'm feeling contented about the way I look and it's nice to feel this way. Sure I'm worried I've been slack in the last two weeks and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned my results could start slipping away if I don't get my bum into gear, but ultimately I'm thinking although my results may not be jaw dropping they have been achieved through setting goals I'm ready for. 

I came up fizzy drinks and sugar in my tea 2 years ago and sweets (except chocolate) last March and do I miss them now, not even a teeny bit! Did I miss them in the beginning of doing so, well it's sugar and it's addictive so hell yeah like you wouldn't believe! I did it though and haven't looked back, I feel proud of this and only I know how hard they were for me to give up. 

I've now gone down from a size 14 to a size 8 and some may think that's not an achievement as I wasn't overweight before, but you know what I'm really proud of myself. Not for being a size 8 as that was never my intention, I was happy being a size 10 to 12 as long as I was toned. No I'm proud as I can say without any guilt that I did it the right way. I didn't cheat with a fad diet or take slimming pills. Nor did I do it overnight only to put it back on. No I made little changes and kept it off. I stumbled at times, felt fat although I've never been and then binged and felt sorry for myself, but then I snapped out of it and started again and didn't wait till bloody Monday! I exercised regularly, even when I really couldn't be arsed and it was cold and after I felt better. I ate seeds, which when your a fussy bugger is an achievement, HUGE in fact - I felt like a bird, but then I embraced it as they are uber good for me and I want to healthy, energised and refreshed and so I learnt to appreciate these little gems. I switched from black tea to green tea and now I prefer it. I made lifestyle changes. I made a commitment and I'll continue to make them. I'm sure I'll gain again over this relapse lately and lack of motivation, but that's alright because I know I won't allow myself to go back to those old habits that I've kicked butt with. I prefer the new changes now, they are my healthy habits and not a burden but a pleasure. Life should be a pleasure and that's why I'm not making anymore currently. I should be giving up the treats that have recently crept into my diet way too much and I will, but not just yet. Right now I need to just feel like I can still have some pleasure  in food and not feel restricted. I've got to the point where I was worrying about every tiny thing I was putting into my mouth and getting obsessed, this isn't healthy either. So right now I just need to relax a bit and remember that if I want results I have to take baby steps that are achievable.

So what's my goal for 2013.....to do a photshoot! More specifically of my tummy. You maybe thinking, big deal but to me it's MASSIVE! Although there are some photos of me with my midsection out these all have one thing in common.....my hubby has taken them. When your hubby takes the photo you can then make him keep retaking it without worrying your being annoying until you find one that looks alright. You can be bossy and say 'not that angle my stretch marks look bad or I don't look very slim from that angle'. OK to some extent you can probably do this with a photographer, but would I ever NOPE! I'd be too intimated too. Letting a stranger see you mummy tummy is one thing, to photograph is quite another and to try and tell a professional how to do there job is really quite something. The reason I guess it's so scary for me is 'what if they photograph me and think Jesus her gut is a bit crap for an instructor who's supposedly helping mums tone up'. I'd feel gutted, ashamed and like I'd let people down. So why put myself through it? Why, because I get jealous of others who have the confidence to do it. Yes jealously is a sin and all that and I'm not proud of it but it's true, I dream of being that confident. I don't wish to dream anymore. I want to live the dream. I want to be that confident. I don't know if I'll ever have the confidence to instruct a class with my tum on display but this is a step in the right direction. So watch out for this crazy lady's tum sometime in 2013 ;)

What goals are you going to achieve in 2013?

Love Miss Work it Baby x x x x

PS Happy Healthy New Rear ;p

The Secret I've Told Everyone!

If you read my blogs you'll know that 2012 wasn't a great year for us and that only gives you an insight on what I feel comfortable to share, but what 2012 has taught me is life is too short. Whilst this has been a tough year for us we've faced absolutely nothing compared to what some friends and their loved ones are having to cope with. It's these times you have to put things into perspective and take a minute to realise how lucky you are. I'm truly blessed to have my daughter, hubby, family and friends around me, but I'm also guilty of forgetting this and not picking myself up. 

I'm impatient and like to plan everything. So when things happen outside my control I struggle. In 2012 one thing after another happened outside my control and I had a mini melt down shall we say.

Anyway one thing I learnt from this is I can't plan everything! The timing will never be perfect. Life isn't without it's ups and downs and nothing goes without it's hiccups.  You have to find a way through it and sometimes you can search and search and there just aren't any answers.

I've always said I'll like to plan two children and I also said I'd like a 3-5 year age gap, but seeing as my daughter is 5 years in June this isn't going to happen. We hadn't started trying sooner because I wanted to have my business more established before trying for baby number 2. I wanted everything in place so that when I needed to take a little time out on maternity my business would still be there when I returned. 

I know I say it repeatedly but I love what I do, but lately I've started to love it a little less all the time and the reason for that is I've put my hold life on hold for the business. I stopped socialising as much, thinking I needed to be working on the business more and feeling guilty if I wasn't working 24/7 on it. More importantly I put my dream of having this perfect age gap on hold for it. Then when my our personal circumstances meant the business had to take a back seat it left me feeling angry that my business is still not established and it hasn't been because I've had another child. It's been because of things outside my control.

So as you've probably of guessed already our secret is that we are trying for baby number 2. I came of the pill in August and I planned to tell no-one as I'd like for it to be a secret till I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and for Pie to be the 1st one we tell when we know everything is OK. So far though I've got so excited about the thought of extending our family I think I've just about told everyone I know and so I thought I might as well put into out there now, hence the blog post. I should be keeping it quiet as once people know your trying they are naturally going to ask 'are you pregnant yet,' since I can't lie for toffee this will be a problem since I don't wish to announce it till I'm 12 weeks pregnant. However I need to talk about it, it's eating me up. The world of trying for a baby is a lonely place and I feel like I need to just rant about how I'm feeling in the hope I feel better to be frank. 

I've always been on the pill, well since I was 14 years with the exception of coming off to try for my daughter and then then going straight back on it. So I've been on the pill roughly 12 years with a 11 month gap when I we had my daughter. When we tried the 1st time round it happened no joke 1st time to my husbands disappointment who wanted to practise some more ;). So whilst I kept saying next time it could take ages as I've seen the struggles some of my friends have faced trying to conceive, I  in all honestly deep down believed as I'm fitter than I was when I had Pie that in would just happen straight away again. 

However it's now been 4 months and don't think for one minute I'm trying to be disrespectful as I know people try for 10 years plus without anything happening, but I'm struggling that nothing is happening. I don't just mean I'm not falling pregnant I mean I've been feeling crap since coming of the pill and that doesn't show any signs of improving. I'm up and down everyday and it's not settling down. One day I feel fine and the next day I'm in tears over nothing, irritable and hating the world. I've had no period since August and I'm all over the place. I feel exhausted all the time and even lightheaded sometimes - it's like a pregnancy with no baby. I start to get excited that I'm pregnant only to be disappointed that I'm not. I know that I'm unbelievably lucky to already be a mum and I don't take that for granted, but when your broody and believe your pregnant and feel pregnant only to find out your not it can pull on the heart strings and make you emotional. I been to the doctors and basically just been told that my hormones are likely to be all over the place since coming of the pill and there really isn't nothing they can do. I've been told to go back in March if my periods haven't returned and they'll do some tests then just to check everything is normal. 

So it's just a waiting game now for everything to return to normal. It can't come quick enough, I just want to feel myself again. I haven't been helping matters though, as you may of noticed I haven't been doing blog posts on here recently and the reason is I'm so shattered that I'm just not motivated and since I can't seem to motivate myself it's hard to write a post that will help and inspire others to be healthy. The lack of motivation means I haven't been eating a healthy palette and quite the opposite in fact. I feel annoyed with myself as I truly believe that the better you eat the better you feel.  I know this is the case as one of the things the nutritionist discussed with us as part of the Weight Management Programme is changes to your nutrition can help with hormones levels and so I implemented her advice, I soon felt a great deal better. I really had no idea how a few changes could help with PMT, depression and so fourth ,but then more bad news came and Christmas and I found temporary comfort in junk food.

So how am I feeling after a 2 week binge?! More low, tired, bloated, heavier and annoyed with myself. I feel sickened with myself when I think about what I've been putting into my body recently. So what am I going to do? Sort it out! I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and take better care of myself. This week I'm going to start exercising again and eating better. I'm going to start posting again and will keep you updated with my progress. I'm not going to get my motivation back overnight, but I'm at least going to try and get it back. Wish me luck.